“I don’t own any PLOW shares”: Trump denies knowledge of Biblical allusion after USPS workers caught improving Postal Service.
SCARBOROUGH, Maine — President Trump lashed out against U.S. Postal Service workers Monday evening after the Associated Press reported employees in Maine had repaired one of the two high-speed letter sorting machines they had been ordered to dismantle over the summer.
Able to sort 20,000 letters per hour, the repair of the machine was warmly welcomed by the understaffed facility.
“I don’t think [President Trump] realizes that these machines actually make a lot less mistakes … I guess fixing that machine felt like … beating swords into plowshares.”
“I just want to make sure the mail gets where it’s supposed to be, especially with all the ballots we’re dealing with these days”, said one postal worker and Trump supporter who helped with the repair. “I’m as worried as Trump is about the integrity of this election and making sure everyone’s vote gets counted, but I don’t think he realizes that these machines actually make a lot less mistakes than we do when we try to sort everything by hand. I guess fixing that machine felt like I was doing God’s work beating swords into plowshares or something”.
In a fiery response on Twitter, President Trump seemed to misunderstand the Biblical reference as he continued his baseless attack against the post office.
The “one vote per person” principal is, of course, instrumental to a functioning Democracy. And with an election just weeks away and a historically high number of voters planning to vote by mail, some of Trump’s critics have questioned the President’s motivations.
As of this writing the Post Office is still fully functional and all votes are expected to be counted fairly. Douglas Dynamics (NYSE: PLOW) appear to be doing fine.
This post is satire. Much of it isn’t true.
